So, I’m seven weeks into a twelve-week bible study by Linda Dillow called Calm My Anxious Heart.
Ten or eleven years ago I did this same study and love, love, loved it. In fact, doing the study this time was my suggestion. However, it’s feeling different this time.
To be fair, it could easily be that I am not giving enough time to the chapters, nor contemplating or completing the end-of-chapter questions before meeting with the group. That would make sense. *chagrined smile*
Anyway, this week the study takes a turn from its usual approach of, “read a topical chapter, answer questions in back of book, discuss with group,” and instead asks the reader to, “discover your life purpose statement”.
I have been attempting to first read the questions in the back, then read the chapter, then come back and answer the questions–So, I discovered this right off.
I didn’t remember it from before. Maybe I never did it last time.
Somehow this assignment. . . annoyed me?
I mentally objected immediately, thinking to myself, “but doesn’t each Christian have the same purpose?”
Then, I realized, after actually reading the examples in the chapter, that the author was really speaking more of a vision statement: the answer of “how” you will live out your purpose. Even then, I didn’t want to do it.
How was I supposed to come up with some definitive proclamation outlining my existence? I can’t even organize my deskspace.
This sort of thinking is not the type I am good at.
But after hearing what others in the group had to say, and after coming home and actually finishing reading the chapter, I’ve decided to try.
Often I can’t get started on something (a.k.a., “almost always”) because my idealism is looming large and in the way. My desire and perfectionism collide; leaving behind nothing but a short-circuted brain, a mountainously messy desk, an incomplete tax return (looming somewhere out “in the cloud”), or an empty page in the back of my bible-study journal. Some may call this, “procrastination”–I call it, “agony”.
So, stay tuned friends–and you’ll soon discover who I really am or, at least, who I hope to be. . . Or something like that.
P.S. I just realized that this whole post came about only because I sat down to “really get started on my life-purpose-statement”. You’ve gotta love that. Well, I guess I’ll do it tomorrow.